Guilt free / Mom
I had a very troubled day. Mothering is not easy, especially when it comes to your children
I cannot take the guilt anymore. I have nothing to be guilty of but this one put it upon me. Either not doing enough or not giving enough. I need to be strong and say what I feel. I cannot take it. It's not my fault I know this. I need to be strong and tell it like it is. I say by September is more than enough time. Please Leon help me ❤️ Close
Memories Never to be forgotten / Mom
It is the 8th year my son.
All I have of you are memories never to be forgotten and love that will never cease. Not a day goes by that I don't think of you. I see you in the sunrises and feel your love in the sunsets. I see you amounts the stars, the moon, the heavens. I hear you in the wind, the oceans and sometimes in a whisper. I cling to the memory of your face and the sound of your voice.
My unforgiving heart has healed through the grace of our Lord. Mercy and grace he has given unto me. As I lay you down to rest, I pray you be at peace and know that all is well. I will always be bonded to you my son. I thank God for blessing me with you, an honor he bestowed upon me as your mother. A gift from God that I will treasure forever. Shalom! Peace be with my son. I love you...mom Close
LETTING GO? / MOM
People say "its time to let go" Let go? Love is forever, never forgotten. The world have their monuments to remember and keep memory of them alive. They force the memory so we won't forget. I lost you son, and my monument is your love, the memory is the love we shared. We were blessed to be loved by you. A mother will never stop loving their child(ren) A mom's unconditional love is a love made in heaven. I now share our love heavenly. I will always love you and I still today acknowledge your love on earth and in heaven. I love you Lee yesterday, today and forever.
Its getting close to that day of happy memories. The day of your birth. I can still see your cute baby face as I cuddled you up to my nose to smell the first breath of life. Looking at your little hands as your fingers wrapped around my finger. Kissing your little fingers. Hearing your coos and your first cry. Tenderly stroking your cheeks. Whispering "hello little guy, its me your mommy, I love you and I'll always be here for you" welcome to life. I remember the MOMent I watch you take your first step. You were such a clumsy lil boy. But you wouldn't cry, just got up and tried again. Your first love, your first heartbreak. Those were the hard ones. I heard you crying in the darkness, as I hugged you it broke my heart to see you cry because of love denied you when you had so much love to give. MOMents when you found that love. MOMents of your children being born. The tears of joy as I watched you cuddle them up to you and say "Hello little guy, its me your daddy, I love you, you know I'll always be here for you". At that MOMent unconditional and a never ending love has bonded. Intertwined hearts and soul between a father and a love that can never be taken away. MOMent when you look at me for the last time and I cuddled you up to me and said "don't worry I'm always be here" never thinking you wouldn't be here with me.Now a emptiness that only you could fill has become a part of me. But I will always remember all the MOMent The MOMents I will never forget. I love you Leon and I know you are always there. Close
A Mother's Thought / Mom
I have a friend whose son had just pass. He was 23. I thought I could comfort her in her time of great (I mean great) despair. I thought I was strong enough to at least be there for her. I thought I was cried out. I thought my heart was healed from the brokeness of losing you. I thought I am but I'm not. I couldn't even hug her, I couldn't even speak, I couldn't even comfort her. I thought of her and all the pain, brokeness, emptiness, that great heartache. All my thoughts bought me back to yesterday. I think of you and I thought I could. Instead we embraced and just cried with each other. She said I miss him so I said you will, she said I feel so lost I said you are, She said I feel nothing I said you won't. She said we loved each other so much I said that's the greater loss.
Love Mom Close
Quiet time / Mom
I know I don't have to tell you what's going on. Because you are here in spirit and watching over us. Brandon & Liam are doing so well. Both made the highest test scores in their grade level. Hillary is an awesome mom. Intelligence run in your family. I pray for them daily. I remember that talk we had in the hospital. I will be there for them Lee. You and I know they will be taken care of always. Your sister is doing great. Thank you for walking beside her in the hard times. I know she thinks of you often especially during her chemo. I am so sorry Lee for not being with you in those dark moments. I never thought of how lonely those times were for you. Your strength and courage to overcome blinded me through your hard times. I wish I knew then what I know now. But God's plan never prepared me then. Regrets are feelings of defeat, can't let that be. Your joy of love will always be remembered and continue in our hearts. You are in green pastures my son, rest now, and be at peace. I love you..mom Close
The Road to forgiveness / Mom (Mom)
There is no veil with God's love together we cannot lift. Let the way to truth be open. As I leave judgement up to God. I ask for forgiveness. I forgive myself and let the holy spirit fill me. I ask for your forgiveness if I have sinned against you. Lord forgive me for all my trespasses as I have trespassed against others. Close
Remebering/ Johnathan Leasure (Brother)
Four years have gone by Lee and I still have visions about the day you left us. I miss you in every way possible and love you with all my heart. With every year there comes different pain and guilt for not spending as much time as I did with you. I can only hope one day we will meet again and I will tell you eveything I have wanted to tell you. But for now I wait and hurt when I think about how much pain you were in and I didnt do enough to comfort you. I feel I didnt do the right things to protect you from harms way and I lost the battle. I love you and hope you can forgive me.The boys are getting big and I miss them very much I have moved and cant see them as much as I do but I know you are watching over them. I wish My son Zeke could meet his Uncle Leon he just loves to be around family kinda like you did...I can only hope both my boys grow up to be just like you. Well I just wanted to say I miss & love you very much... Till we meet again my brother! Close
So much to tell you..... / Johnathan Leasure (Brother)Read >>
So much to tell you..... / Johnathan Leasure (Brother)
so much things have happened since you have been gone so many things I have longed to tell you since you've gone. I have my good days and I have my bad days the bad ones are really hard when I ponder and think about you all day. The times we spent together in our childhood brings tears to my eyes. All the times playing football in the front yard ninjas in the forrest and all the characters we used to mimic. I feel pain when I think of all those times not being there for you and all the times not spent with you. I feel I have bits and pieces of my life missing and I think those were meant for you. You have a new nephew and we named him Ezekiel Leon Leasure he looks so much like you when you were a baby. He would love you so much! Kaimana is beggining to become an adult and I can only hope he has your attributes on being a wonderfull and loving person. Your neice Kiare is a handfull and wished you were here to give her some of your words of wisdom. As for me lifes a blur and will never be complete without you. I miss having conversations and reminicing about past times with you and those memories are all I have going forward. I love and cherish them with all my heart I love and miss you my brother........Till we meet again.
Hello Lee....Been a while since I wrote. I visit here EVERY day. Seems really awkward still that you even have one of these "memorials" to come to. Its been almost three years and I swear It still feels like yesterday. Hurts just the same as it did then. I've given up better days a long time ago. It just doesn't get better. There have been a few nights that you came to visit me and I felt better for that split second. Then Poof....I awaken! I go about my day and cherish those around me now and then I can smile. But then I'm reminded that you are not here. And I go on with the life that i've been given and enjoy what IS here.
There are other things that put smiles across my face when I think of you......Like I remember how we used to share that room in the corner of the house when I moved in with yall for a while. That room seemed so huge back then. We kept it such a mess too. *smile* I remember how I would try to go with you all the time jus to watch you guys skate Pahoa. Member going 2 my moms for the weekend and making that home-made "spooky" movie. And you picking at me cuz I flipped my hair so much on that video. Or how bout that time when the cops thought U kidnapped me and they didn't believe we were cousins. So many things that put smiles across my face and to tell my Kids. So many stories to tell. I tell them all kinds of stories. And they always look at me afterwards cuz I'm usually in tears when I'm finished.
Everytime I think of how much of you I missed. I want so bad to move home. I don't want to feel that way about anyone else ever again. It was nice to visit home but I still can not bear the feeling that I missed out on anymore OHANA time!!!! I try not to think about that too much but that is sooooo much so a fear of mine. I want to be there for everybody's EVERYTHING. I feel like I dont want to miss a thing. I thank the Lord that I got to see most of my Ohana on this last visit but I still fear that that is not enough! I missed way to much of you and did not get to say soooo much. That haunts me all the time. I think of all the "extra" time I had to just call. I know my brother's get irratated sometimes cuz now I will jus call just to hear their voices. Even if I don't have anything new to say I just want to hear voices. I still feel sometimes that's not enough! I want to be there to see all my brothers and cousins be mommy's and daddy's. Because I missed that part of you!!!
Bottom line is Lee I don't care how redundant it seems I WISH YOU WERE HERE!!! I wish I did not have to hug you in my dreams! I wish you were here! I wish you were here! I wish you were here!
love never dies / Hillary Leasure
hello my dear friend and love though not lost it has been awhile since i've written you but not since we've talked. Thank you for the conversation during my morning walks at the park thanks for riding in the car with me and listening to my problems not even the white has faded from the teeth in your smile and your smell still lingers with me all the while. It seems that time has stolen my heart not true though I wish it was it seems Ive changed my path maybe a dozen times each time getting draagged right back to the starting line. And though sometimes I hang my head and cry I remember what we would have wanted. thank you for leading me through the tough decisions. the gift you have given will not be forgotten and the little moments will still be treasure not to be wasted on guilt and regret but for feeling the sun from both sides and rising to face new days with you in every thought . bringing you with me and the boys never to stop. i have brought new life into the world and even in all its amazing splendor it does not dent what your loss has hindered. I may cry and though I know better sometimes I still want to scream why? but thoughts are real and Im thinking of you through the days and in that sense you are really here always. I love you. But you already know that.Close
Lee, always have a hard time come July 9. wish you were here so I could hold you and wish you a Happy Birthday. Been going to church to find some answers about why things happen the way they do. I will never find peace of mind or the comfort I need to move on and will always hold you close to my heart. But, Iam getting to know the lord again and know you are by his side looking down on us and blessing us with your love. I just miss you and love you always.... Till we meet again my brother. John
Another year.. / Ben Oclaray (Cousin)
Just can't believe it's been 2 years. I hope everything is ok where you are. I miss you. Til we meet again, Lee.. I love you..
They have no idea..... / Malia Leonard (Baby Cousin )Read >>
They have no idea..... / Malia Leonard (Baby Cousin )
I mean those people who were trying to offer there condolences. I know that people mean well to say "things happen for a reason", or "he's in a better place now", and even "give it time, and the hurt will pass".......What?...I figure that those people just have NO IDEA what kind of family we are. Lee, you wouldn't believe the families that I encounter that make me tilt my head in disbelief. I dont understand the way they operate. Only because our family is sooooo different. I can't remember a time in my childhood where there was strife or discontentment. I remember the bond of this family, the togetherness, the unconditional LOVE. So i say that to ask, what are these people talking about?, the hurt does not pass! The pain does not go away. I have only learned how to put on a smile for others while inside I hurt. I've mastered the art of masking the pain from others. But I know, inside, I hurt, and I know, the rest of our family does as well. I get through the day by memories, and sometimes I see you in my dreams, and the day after is a somewhat numb one. I have faced others in the loss of their family members only to be reminded of this family's loss. It feels like a permanent flaw has marked this family with the loss of you. And daily I try to cope in a way better than the day before, but It is a battle. In the core of me is a piece of me that has been flawed forever.
I miss you so Lee. I know that I have to live life here on earth before we meet again, so EVERYDAY that goes by, is One more day closer to being in your presence. I will live this life , I will love this life, and what I have taken from this is that we live everyday as if it was our last. Make memories, many memories to leave as a legacy for those we leave behind as that is what will keep them sane........
A year later... / Ben Oclaray (Cousin)
I can't believe a whole year went by since I last saw you. So much has changed since then, I don't even know where to begin.
I always hear people say, "Things happen for a reason". They always say that when something bad happens. I, sometimes get a little irritated when I hear that because I'm like, "Yeah and what reason is that?" In the moment, you can't see the bigger picture, it's like trying to put together a puzzle without the box to help you. I know there is a reason why you left us, slowly, as the years pass on, we a get a little piece of the puzzle to put together to get that reason. In today's world of instant gratification, that can seem like an eternity.
I made a solemn promise at your funeral, to never take a day for granted. To tell those all around me, friends and family, that I love them. To give to those who need it more than me. To let go of all those fears that hold me back. A little piece of that puzzle i can see now. Without your passing, I wouldn't have the courage to do that.
Leon, I can never put into words the impact all this has had on me. I find myself, sometimes, wishing I could talk to God and ask him why he took you. That I could ask him to give you back even, for a day. So I can tell you how much I love you.
We all miss you back here, Leon. Until we meet again... Close
Lee, I miss you everyday that goes by, and its never going to get better until we meet again. I cry for all the times I missed being with you and wish I could have just one day to hold you and let you know how much I love you. I sometimes blame God for taking you and get very frustrated, but just thinking of you and he way you lived life keeps me humble...I will always be there for you and If you need me just come to me. I love and miss you Leon....Till we meet again. Johnny
All for the love of you / Hillary Leasure (wife)Read >>
All for the love of you / Hillary Leasure (wife)
Hi Babe, I know that you never belonged to me, I am learning to let go of the internal struggle and be at peace, were you are. I have been honored in this life to have shared a part in the life that was you. The boys are amazing your resilience shines through them so brillianty it is really amazing to look at them I know you never left thier side. I love you so much every line on your face, your smell, your laugh is permanantly etched in my memory and on my heart. I would do it all over again all, all of it in an instant, for the love of you. Close
Just wanted to say... / Joshua Oclaray (Cousin)Read >>
Just wanted to say... / Joshua Oclaray (Cousin)
It's just stopped by to say hello and to say few things. I was talking to my girlfriend the other night and we talking about our childhood memories and things we did growing up and it made me think of you. I started talking about our routine Thanksgiving gatherings we had at Habush and all the things we did, like the football and volleyball games and surfing. I'm telling her all these things and I say things like "you know how when" or "did you do things like that when you were a kid" and she always say "no, hun my family is not from her like yours." Then I say, "man you missed out," and her response is always, "you can't miss what you never had." That phrase kind of echoed in my head and I thought, here I am just wishing I could talk to you face to face, or call you on the phone and say "how's the family Lee," or just have a cup of coffee with you.
I never had these things with you, and yet I have this profound feeling that really missed out on something even if I never had it. You know, it's like having the winning lottery ticket and they call your number and you can't find the ticket, then you take that and multiply it by infinity and take to the ends of the earth and maybe there you'll find how much i feel I missed out. Wow, I know this all must sound pretty crazy I write it as if you can read it, then again maybe you can, maybe you're standing right next to me saying, "I wish you would have told me this before." I do too, I'm sorry Lee. I Love You Close
Hey/ Ben Oclaray (Cousin)
Sorry I haven't stop in awhile. I don't like reading the messages, gets me emotional. I hope everything's alright with you, wherever that may be. I know you're watching over us and I thank you for that. I love you Leon, I'll see you soon. Close
Tribute: Mark of respect, honor, compliment, accolade, praise. All are not enough the describe how you lived your life, Lee. All, fall short in describing how your life touched mine. You are my younger brother Lee, but yet a mentor, an inspiration. You lived your life how I strived to live mine, loving each moment for that moment. You infused joy and appreciation in every day. Your lighthearted and witty humor that made anyone and everyone laugh is so missed.
I am so saddend that you are not here with us, physically. I kinow in my heart and I can feel you here with us in spirit. But I am sad because I miss what you gave to me just being here. I miss what your presence brought to my life, how I was when you were around. When we were together there was always a peace. It could be a horrible, hectic day and then you would come over and we would have a cup of coffee, talk story and it would all melt away. It would just not exist for that moment it would be gone. I miss that.
I miss how you would talk with me about what was going on in my life and you always told me, "It's not that bad". You know what Lee, you were right. Nothing that I had gone through in my life has been as bad as losing you. I thank you for teaching me to look to the bright side.
I miss your laugh and that you were always laughing and how you always made ME laugh. You were so funny, Lee. Now, when things happen, funny, witty remarks pop into my head, and Lee I know it's you. Always the funny guy. I am actually cracking up right now just thinking about your humor.
I miss watching you with your boys. I love how you love them, so effortlessly and so intensely. I am so proud of you for being the father that you are. They are your joys, your smiles, your heart, your life. I look at them now and I cry with tears of happiness for how you raised them to be, tears of saddness for the moments that are missed. I vow Lee, to be there for them and to always share in memories of you with them.
I miss you Lee. I miss my little brother who I laughed with, fought with, cried with, suffered with, grew with, played with and lived life with. I love you, Leon. I can't wait to be with you again.